This blog entry is being written in a place of sadness. We have just finished celebrating Christmas, which I tell myself should be a time of joy, but I am one of the ones for whom is a time of sorrow. For many years, I have felt like this when the time approaches. I believe it to be a combination of many things, including the winter blues and the lack of sunlight, as well as being single and seeing pictures on Facebook of couples and families enjoying themselves. I am deeply grateful for a family to be with and all I have been able to give and receive, but the feelings still linger. I think about people in my life I love who matter to me, and I also miss the ones who are are far. This year, however, the sorrow has been magnified for different reasons.
For one, as I have shared, it has been a busy and challenging year for me, with all of the work I have had to do with my house, which took a lot of time and energy out of me, especially emotional energy. It has been very stressful at times, and has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. Though God has brought me through these challenges, it has been emotionally draining. Another thing has been the unprecedented turmoil in the political arena, which has forced me to restrict the amount of news that I consume because I can no longer handle it. The stresses and uncertainties of life have been a major weight on me this past year. The fears of losing everything, of being alone, and dying alone, have been ever present with me. Even Christmas carols have brought me to tears.
One thing that has given me comfort in the time is knowing I am not the only person who struggles with this, and no one should feel ashamed if they do. Another thing that helps me is realizing that the birth of Christ is the birth of Emmanuel, God With Us. He is ever-present with us, and not at a distance. He intimately knows me far better than I know myself. I can rest in His love, no matter what season of life I am in.
There is more I have to say about all this and other things. I plan to share them in the near future.
