Seasons, Part 2: Joy And Sorrow

This blog entry is being written in a place of sadness.   We have just finished celebrating Christmas, which I tell myself should be a time of joy, but I am one of the ones for whom is a time of sorrow.   For many years, I have felt like this when the time approaches.    I believe it to be a combination of many things, including the winter blues and the lack of sunlight, as well as being single and seeing pictures on Facebook of couples and families enjoying themselves.  I am deeply grateful for a family to be with and all I have been able to give and receive, but the feelings still linger.   I  think about people in my life I love who matter to me, and I also miss the ones who are are far.    This year, however, the sorrow has been magnified for different reasons. 
For one, as I have shared, it has been a busy and challenging year for me, with all of the work I have had to do with my house, which took a lot of time and energy out of me, especially emotional energy.   It has been very stressful at times, and has brought me to tears on more than one occasion.   Though God has brought me through these challenges, it has been emotionally draining.   Another thing has been the unprecedented turmoil in the political arena, which has forced me to restrict the amount of news that I consume because I can no longer handle it.     The stresses and uncertainties of life have been a major weight on me this past year.    The fears of losing everything, of being alone, and dying alone, have been ever present with me.    Even Christmas carols have brought me to tears. 
One thing that has given me comfort in the time is knowing I am not the only person who struggles with this, and no one should feel ashamed if they do.   Another thing that helps me is realizing that the birth of Christ is the birth of Emmanuel, God With Us.   He is ever-present with us, and not at a distance.   He intimately knows me far better than I know myself.   I can rest in His love, no matter what season of life I am in.   
There is more I have to say about all this and other things.  I plan to share them in the near future.             

Seasons, Part 1

Living in New Hampshire, I get to experience all four seasons.   At the time of this writing it is fall.  The leaves have fallen off the trees and everything around looks bare.   Soon it will be winter and snow will be covering the ground.   I struggle emotionally around this time of year as the temperatures get colder and the sky gets darker much sooner.    I accept that this is the cycle, but it doesn't make it any easier for me.    Still, I need to be as prepared as I possibly can. 
I am realizing all the more now that God ordains seasons in my life, and the need to be fully engaged in whatever season I am in.   I am learning not to try to hold on to things from the previous season that I need to let go of to be fully present in the current one, whether it be a relationship, a ministry, a life goal, or whatever else.   Not doing so is the equivalent to wearing a winter coat in the heat of summer, or shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter.    It is often hard for me to let go, but maybe this is due partly to being unable to detect a change in seasons, or a desire to hold on as long as possible.  But the more I learn to let go of what I need to from the previous season, the more I begin to appreciate the current one. 
Solomon wrote of this in Ecclesiastes 3:1: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."   In light of the different, people, circumstances, and positions that life brings at the various time periods in lie, I am learning that it really is okay to let things go.   Have memories, yes.    Learn from the past, yes.    But also to fully embrace the present season I am in, and notice the opportunities that God has given me now that I may have be overlooking.  I will have more to say on this subject in a coming post.

Hope For The Future, Today

When I think about the future and what may or may not happen, I instinctively think about Hollywood's vision of it.   I'm not referring to the dreamy future of hoverboards, flying cars, and artificial intelligence meekly subservient to man (which I would rather envision).  No, I think of the far darker and dreadful nightmare scenarios that have been created: nuclear war against killer cyborgs, a zombie apocalypse and the struggles to survive in its aftermath, a fight against a Big Brother entity bent on imposing its will on its subjects.    These are some of the well-known examples of movies and television speaking to some of our deepest fears about an unknown future.    We are also fed an unending news cycle of despair and gloom each day in the media, whether we watch cable TV news or check the headlines online.     Is it any wonder we can think about the future and lose hope? 
In all honesty, I have no idea what the world will be like in ten, twenty, or a hundred years.    I don't even know what will happen tomorrow.  Jesus spoke of this in Matthew 6:34, telling us that tomorrow will worry about itself.   So maybe the best thing to do would be to live one day at a time, and not try to imagine how the future may or may not turn out.  In doing this, I can get the grace, joy, and peace to live for the day that I am living now.    God holds the future, and He does not want His children to be fearful of the future.   Even the worst one that Hollywood can come up with. 

Turning Off The News

For my own health and sanity, I have realized the need to turn off the news.  Even Fox News.  Not read or watch it at all.   All the shrill voices coming from Washington and throughout the nation and world.   The poison of cynicism seeps from my computer screen as I glance over the headlines and commentaries.    I can't even look at a local paper without thinking about feeling like everything around me is hopeless.   It is just too depressing for me.   I have no desire for any in-depth discussion of the things that are in the headlines today; I will only become fearful and depressed.   And this is why I have decided to just turn it off.    Walk away from it, especially if it's going to have the effect it has had. 

But then again, isn't that what Jesus calls us to?   To not worry and fear about the world that He has overcome (John 16:33).   Though the world screams loudly each day, troubles surround us, and so many things instantly bring fear and apprehension in our hearts, one thing is constant:  Jesus is there in the midst of it all.   None of what is going on in the world, or in our lives at any moment, is any surprise to Him.   There is nothing in all of His creation that is out of His control.  The Holy Spirit is comforting us, reminding us of His peace and presence, speaking the Father's love into our hearts, and assuring us that we are not abandoned to this world.    Not only this, but that the plans He has for us are far more meaningful and soul-fulfilling than anything the world can come up with.     This is the news that brings hope to the world.     So, feel free to turn off the news if you like, but stay tuned to the Good News of Jesus Christ, today and every day!         

In The Face Of Anxiety

I will be honest and confess:  I struggle with anxiety.   It has been this way for much of my life.  I am convinced that much of my anxiety deals with financial matters.   Will I have enough money to pay the bills?   What if something happens?   (As I write this, I am dealing with a situation involving plumbing in my house that has been creating much anxiety.  I will post an update).  Sometimes it feels like I am one misstep or mishap away from falling into the abyss.
      But it doesn't stop there.    For instance, I fear I will be abandoned and left alone for the rest of my life.   This is not simply about finding a significant other, but having others by my side through the best and worst of times.  Or worse yet, what if God doesn't come through for me?    Every "What If" my mind can possibly conceive comes creeping into my mind, and every worst-case scenario as well.   It is no way to live life.    It is also not good for me physically, as I have discovered that my body can heat up and it can feel like I am burning alive on the inside.   Not a comfortable feeling.
   So, after putting the problem in a nutshell, I know the solution is to be still and know that He is God, and His presence is there regardless of whatever my mind is telling me.   It is hard for me, and I am writing to myself here as much as anyone else.   It is easy for me to come undone in the face of situations where I am all too familiar with how I will react by default, by my own weakness.    So once again I need to be reminded of the many things God has made plain through His Word: 
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)    
 God is reminding me in His still voice to do this.   He intimately knows this child of His, and the things that trigger him, even better that I do myself.     The challenge is to block out the voices of anxiety and dread that take my eyes off of Jesus and to let His Word and His Spirit comfort my heart and soul.    He has promised not to abandon me, and whatever He has led me to, He will lead me through.   He has done it so many times before, and He will do it again.   

A Poem From An Anxious Heart

This poem has come out of recent troubles I have been experiencing.   

He's been with me through thick and thin
His grace has pardoned all my sin
He's held my teardrops in his hands
It's in His power that I stand

Through troubled days and sleepless nights
When I can see no end in sight
He calls me to lay in His rest
And truly know His plans are best

Why are you fearful oh my soul?
You dread that you will be alone
Just look to Jesus and be free
From fear dread and anxiety

Nothing's too hard for Him to heal
He's felt everything that you feel
You feel too weak to carry on
It's in your weakness He is strong

His love is greater than you know
His plans are bigger than your own
Just trust in Him He'll be your guide
He always be right by your side